My New Reality - The Demise of Grandma (Aluwa Aku) - Part 2
Dear Friends,
Today’s newsletter is the second part to my story about my grandma’s demise. Wow, it feels so weird to say and I cannot wrap it around my head that she is gone. If you never read the first part to the story, here is a link
The Reunion
In December 2021, my mom, uncles, siblings, cousins, sister-in-law and nephews had all gone home for Christmas. It was a great reunion and most of the family had the opportunity to see each other after several years. Might I add, although no one knew it, they all had a chance to see my grandma for the last time. I did not have that chance. I hadn’t seen her for 8 years.
So when my brother left those messages, it hurt more than it helped because try as he did to help, those messages were not what I needed. Luckily, my friend visited me that afternoon and tried to make sure I was okay. A couple of hours later I got on a call with my brother and he began to scold me for crying. I tried to make him see my point but it fell to deaf ears. I was mentally exhausted and needed all the energy I had to complete my client’s work so I told him I had to go.
The Blame Game
Then came the blame game. As I worked, I wondered if grandma would have lived if I had done something differently. Maybe if I had read the Bible more, or prayed more. Maybe if I had gone for Bible study as I had earlier planned. Maybe if I listened to more Christian music. A million thoughts ran through my head as I contemplated ways my righteousness could have saved her.
The rest of the day was another blur. I had a dull ache in my chest that would not go away. I also thought of how my grandma would still be alive with a few years added to her had everyone listened to my sister 6 months ago. You see, my second sister has three degrees. A nursing degree, a geology degree and a medical degree. So yes, she was a nurse, doctor and a geologist. I won’t go into the details of how she loves reading as that is not relevant to this story. All you need to know is that she is very smart and knows her stuff.
During the reunion 6 months ago, she had suggested that grandma leave Abia state and come live in our (my immediate family) house in the next state. Grandma refused. My sister had suggested this because although grandma was quite healthy for her age, she had once suffered a stroke 8 years ago and was also hypertensive. My sister wanted her to be monitored by another adult.
Grandma lived alone in her apartment in our family house in Abia state, although it was a Story building. Technically she lived alone but there were other people living in other apartments in the building. My sister however wanted someone who was family to watch over her. Granny vehemently refused. In addition, my uncle’s wife also rejected the idea. There are other details that I would have added in this story, but they are more private and are family issues.
To cut it short, my grandma rejected coming to live with us. When she suffered the stroke, she was taken to a hospital. This hospital according to my sister was quack. The doctor did not know his stuff. The first time grandma had gone to the hospital, her BP was not checked - A stroke patient! Even I who is in tech is well aware that BP, weight, height and temperature are the basics to check in a patient before proceeding with administering treatment. It is sufficient to say that although money was not the issue my grandma was not given a good treatment at the hospital. Furthermore, the hospital was not a stroke hospital.
The day granny had the stroke, I was on a call with my sister (you can read that story here ) and she had called all through that night, asking for a stroke hospital in Abia state (where grandma lived) but there was none. However there were about 6 stroke hospitals in Imo State (where we lived). If grandma had listened to my sister 6 months ago when she insisted that she (grandma) come live in our house in Imo, she probably would have made it. Although grandma was old and lived well, this was a well preventable death. She was quite healthy and agile. If she had listened and gone to Imo State, she would have had at least 5 more years added to her life. I am not God, but knowing grandma, I was 99% sure of this.
See death is not something you really prepare for. I never knew I would be writing a story about the demise of my grandma this soon. I always thought she would at least see my first child. I was very sure of it. I had already planned how I would let my baby visit her frequently.
Sweet Oblivion
Anyway, by Sunday morning I attended church. I honestly did not want to because I was not feeling God. Also I had not slept for the past 24 hours. After church, my brother texted and called me and apologized for all he said the day before. He told me everyone was free to grieve the way they wanted and he was not right to try to police me. We then talked some more and that was when he told me that grandma had actually passed on Thursday the 9th (and not Saturday the 11th as I thought). My grandma was gone for 48 hours and I was in the dark. As I thought about it, it made more sense. On Thursday the 9th, I had seen my mom’s cousin who lived with my grandma from her childhood till when she got married post a video of my grandma. I thought that was weird because people usually post others either when they are celebrating them or mourning them. However I did not think much of it since I had asked the status of my grandma that morning and I was assured all was well. Plus, she had also posted grandma last year December (although that was the reunion)
Honestly the more I think about it, the more I feel like I would have wanted to keep being in the dark. Oblivious to the news that grandma was no more. Never knowing that I won’t see her again. It seemed better that way. I wouldn’t have panic attacks or nightmares that way. I have no idea if I am ready to accept that she is gone. But I would always dwell in the memory of the amazing mother and grandmother that she was.
Dear friend, this experience was hard to pen down, and it might seem very raw because I wrote without filtering my emotions. Thank you for reading, and please consider sharing this story so that others can subscribe and join the family!
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